Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize