this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
