Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
