for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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