hotel room ftw
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
