If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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