you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
