I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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