just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
