Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
