you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
