i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
