I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is Oprah even human
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
