Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
