a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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