i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
