And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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