So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
