No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
