Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
