He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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