New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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