ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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