Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
