i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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