I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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