My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize