From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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