in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
