Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
