Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
