You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
