You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
