Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
