Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
