Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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