Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
