she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
