i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
