I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
A+ Viking dick
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
