Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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