She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
