I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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