The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
