If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
