ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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