Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
