My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
