Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
