You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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