Your favorite bartender is back from prision
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
