sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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