I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
