oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
