My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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