Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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