just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
