I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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