Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
