I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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