Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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