Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
