the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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