I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
