You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dicks are not precious.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize