Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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