Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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