grandma shit on top of the toilet
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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