Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
