he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
