Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize