Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
