she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
