So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize