Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I am morally bankrupt
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
