I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
