butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize