Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
