First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
