Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
