Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
