I'm going to jail i love you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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