guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
