I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
