Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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