hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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