I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So much Jack, so little girl.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
