Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
