glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
everyone is single if you try hard enough
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
