i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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