Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
