Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
