Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
