If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
