i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
