whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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