i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
