R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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