I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
