$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
